Saying Goodbye

Marcus wore this shirt on the day that he left. This shirt has been in Marcus life for longer than I have. He has worn it since the 7th grade. He wore it to his first dance, getting his driver's permit, his first driver's license, his first date.... the list goes on and on. He says it is just a perfect shirt, and since he has worn it so often it is very comfortable. Super threadbare, if you hold it up to the light you can read through it. He thought it fitting that he take this bad boy with him (you take very little with you to basic training, only a back pack's worth).

We went out to brunch that morning with Marcus' parents. It was very nice, quiet morning. I told them they could come if they didn't cry (I know, real nice of me right?) I had been doing good at keeping it together but I knew if anyone else lost it I would to. I was really glad that they came. Having other people there helped to keep the atmosphere light.

Right before we pulled into the parking lot a new song started on our yo gabba gabba CD. It was the good bye song, Marcus tried to change the song quick but Olivia protested profusely "I want goodbye song!! I want goodbye song!!". Olivia was belting it out while me and Marcus became blubbering idiots.

Then after breakfast we were off to the recruiters office where the van was coming to pick him up. It was the longest-shortest 45 minutes. Olivia was informing the recruiter that her Daddy was an "army guy". Bianca was taking her morning nap in the car.

Then before we knew it the van pulled up to take Marcus away. I had a good cry out on the car ride home. When we got in the door Olivia asked me if I was all better now. That is when I remembered the deal I have with myself. I am a cry-er by nature. All manner of things make the tears flow, happiness, sadness, frustration, Dumbo, especially poignant commercials. I agreed to let myself cry when the feelings become to much, get it out as it were. But then after that I need to lock it up for the girls. I can't be walking around an incoherent mess all the time. So that car ride home was my time to let it out. I told Olivia I was better and got to work packing for our road trip (which we just got back from).

Now that I am home, in my real life again (not the fantasy life of vacationing) I am going to take things one day at a time. Try to live it up a little. I could watch barefoot contessa til my hearts content, or marathon after marathon of BBC original miniseries. Welcome to the Radder house... land of estrogen overload.