I had a dream last night. One of those kinds of dreams that feels totally real, like you are ACTUALLY living it. It was awful!
I dreamed that I was hanging out with Olivia and we were watching a friend of ours kid. They were playing around and before I knew it I couldn't hear Olivia. I found the little kid in the laundry room and no Olivia. The dryer was on and I opened the door and my little girl was inside! She wasn't breathing and she died from all the tumbling around. It wasn't like the kid put her in there b/c they are like the same age, but somehow it happened-it's a dream, it doesn't have to make sense....right?? Anyway I was horrified and devastated and sick to my stomach and woke up. I have never had a dream like THAT before, EVER!! I've had dreams where I was flying and it REALLY felt real and stuff like that, but never something so sad.
The upside to this yucky experience is that I totally CHERISHED my baby today. (That makes me sound like I ignore her the rest of the time--so more like cherished her EVEN MORE). I just hugged her every time I looked at her, cuddled her, laughed with her, showered her with kisses. Normally all this attention would drive her crazy-she totally loves her alone play time, everyone needs their space. But today she loved it and gave me hugs and laughs right back. I was worried how I was going to get through the day b/c that dream really kicked me in the gut. I just said a silent prayer that I would feel peaceful again and that the feeling of dread and doom would leave. I truly believe Olivia's actions today were the answer to my prayer. She smiled love down on me all day and I could really feel how much she loves me.
It just really reinforced to me how much love I have for my family. Not only that but how much love Heavenly Father has for me. He knew the best way for me to feel better, comforted and at peace was through the arms of my little angel. She let me feel that peace with every smile and twinkle in her eye. She would crawl up to me out of no where, laughing and giving me hugs and kisses. Even when I knew she was tired and ready for bed! So a day that started on a really bad note, ended with me having overflowing love to my child and feeling like I am equally as loved. So sorry to share something so yucky (the dream) but I just really wanted to share how from that dream my day changed into something truly special.
5 comments:
i have DEFINITELY had dreams like that. more than one in fact.... they are HORRIBLE. and it is so hard to get them out of your mind because it seems like they are so real! anyway... i am glad you feel better now. (btw who was the other baby?) blaine might do that... jk.
i am excited to see you guys today! i was SO BORED yesterday.
I rarely have nightmares, but when I do, they are horrible! I am so sorry about this one!
Olivia is so beautiful, Vashti. What an awful dream, I'm glad your day got better. Scary to think about how fragile life really is, I can't imagine anything like that happening to one of my babies. It really helps you recognize your blessings.
that is scary! I have dreams that Carson walks into my room all the time and just stares are me sleeping:( its kind of weird thanks for your memory comment I was rolling laughing, it was great wish we could go back to that day just for a while:)
How scary! Isn't it crazy how dreams can be so real that your body physically reacts to them?
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