It ain't all roses.

So this blog is like a journal for me and while I love to focus on the positive I also like to document aspects of my life that have also been challenging. So I can look back and really remember what a certain time period was like.

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We love living in CA, we love being reunited and a family again, I love having my husband back, we love exploring our new area. That being said, it has also been hard. I feel like I would be remiss not sharing this part as well.

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Separation is hard, for all parties involved. You each adjust and grow and learn to deal with whatever situation you are in. There is growing that takes place on both sides of the equation. It is easy to think that during the separation that all will be right with the world when you are back together again. I really read up on some things while we were apart to try and get myself as prepared as possible, but every situation is so different that it is hard to really imagine what it will be like. THIS article is really insightful.

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The girls were bigger and in a lot of ways were almost like different people than what he was used to when he left. No amount of talking about the day to day activities at home is enough to really bring a person up to speed on how things run. It was no longer up to me to be the only caretaker and disciplinarian. Routines were different, behavior was different, we were different.

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Now don't get me wrong, a lot of things were the same and that brought comfort and peace. But there is a HUGE learning curve. The girls would only want me, especially when they were feeling at their most vulnerable. Marcus had to win their trust and their hearts all over again. He totally understood and was hugely patient but I could see the heart break in his eyes a little when they would turn away from him. We are now at the point where the girls will choose him over me and we silently celebrate those little victories.

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The other night I was tucking Bianca in and she looked at me, pulled out her binky and said it the sweetest voice "Dadda?". I called him in and he stroked her head and told her he loved her and she smiled from ear to ear, then turned over and closed her eyes. Marcus and I just looked at each other after. We didn't even have to say anything, we just each knew how the other felt.

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Marcus and I make sure to talk A LOT about where each other are at. I think that has really helped the transition process along. I just didn't want people to have this romanticized view that now that we are together it is a walk in the park. I know that we can both handle having to live apart and I also now know that we can work together to make things work when we are back together. I really feel like we hitting our stride and that feels really good.