Long time, no blog.

These last few weeks have been rough. Lots of big and little things going wrong, kids being sick, me being sick all culminating in my lack of mental abilities. ................................................................................................................................................................ For my husband being gone since July I have felt like I have been doing a really good job of being all that I need to be for the girls and keeping up with all of my Mom jobs. Even if I had a harder day I always did something to change the scene or get us out of the house and shake things up. Tell myself that my attitude set the tone for us and it was up to me to change it or wallow in crankiness. ................................................................................................................................................................... I don't think I could even explain all the things that went wrong last month if I really tried. It wasn't one big thing or even a few major events. It was more like everything ALL day. I would even analyze at the end of the day "was this day really as hard as I felt like it was?".... "Am I just over reacting about this right now?". .................................................................................................................................................................. The truth of the matter was no matter how hard I tried to change things up or have a sunny outlook some catastrophe would happen 5 minutes later. It was out of control and it was the darkest time I have had since Marcus being gone. I just could not catch a break and no amount of optimism seemed to help. ........................................................................................................................................................................ I also didn't feel like blogging. I didn't want to blog about how I was struggling while still in the middle of it and didn't have the heart to blog anything else uplifting because I didn't feel uplifted. ....................................................................................................................................................................... A great friend suggested to me to pray about it. I was honestly trying the absolute hardest I most possibly could and it was not enough. To let Heavenly Father know of my struggles and despite how hard I was working and trying I just couldn't do it and for Him to carry me the extra that I lacked. ....................................................................................................................................................................... A weight was lifted from my shoulders that was staggering. A burden lifted that was so huge I didn't understand the weight of it until it wasn't there anymore. There was still a good week or two after that were things just kept going wrong, but I was starting to get a better handle on it. ..................................................................................................................................................................... Marcus kept gently hinting that I had not posted on the blog for a while and after house sitting last week I feel like things have finally slowed down enough to blog again. We are so close to being together again. One more month until we move to California with Marcus!